Yes, I know that sounds really weird: I Am Thankful When I Fail. But if I didn’t fail, I wouldn’t need God. I would go on my merry way never including Him in my life because, quite frankly, I wouldn’t need to. If I didn’t fail, if I could do it all on my own, I would never turn to Him, never fellowship with Him, and never experience His awe-inspiring peace and joy.
You see, over the past couple of weeks, my time with God might as well not have happened. Now, I did scratch it off my “to-do” list (Oh, how I love my lists!):
1. Quite time with God –check!
2. Laundry
3. Dishes
You get the point!
But that is all it was. I was just checking off a “to-do.” It wasn’t true fellowship with my Lord and Savior who patiently waits for me to be refreshed by Him.
Daily, I’m amazed at how incredibly patient He is with me. I have been in a period of recovery from some chronic back pain. A few weeks ago my back disc bulged and I had stopped my workout routine. (Well, at least that has been my excuse!) And today, I started it back with a walk on this beautiful morning. I was reminded how thankful I should be that He has given me the ability to be healed and to walk in His grace, not only physically but spiritually.
The reason these walks are so important to me is because they are my fellowship time with the Lord. I get more “talk time” with God when I’m walking than in any quite time Bible study I could do in the morning. It’s just He and I, talking while I am walking. He shows me why I need Him and how He can comfort me.
After this most recent period of separation from fellowship with Him, this morning was quite a refreshing time. As the peace washed over me, I relaxed. I listened to all He had to share with me. I was vividly reminded of how much I love Him. And I wondered why in the world I allow myself to slip so far away.
Ever been there? Unfortunately, I am sure you have.
We are human.
It happens, much more than we care to admit.
As I walked, I listened to a beautiful version of “I’ll Fly Away” by Jars of Clay. As the cool breeze washed over me, I realized how deeply God desires for us to “fly” with Him, to live life in unbroken fellowship with Him, flying free and unencumbered by the cares and stresses of the world.
Jesus said, “That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food to eat or enough clothes to wear. For life is more than food, and your body more than clothing. Look at the ravens. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him than any birds!” (Luke 12:22-24)
I can’t fly with Him when I let all the things I put on my own plate pull me down. I am such a Martha, and all I really want to be is like Mary (Luke 10: 41-42), dropping it all to sit at the Savior’s feet. But I let my badly prioritized tasks get in the way. I want to be drawn to Him, no matter what comes my way–to be able to prioritize real face-to-face time with Him first (not just checking off my “to-do” list).
Can you relate? I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with prioritizing time with the Father. I would love to hear your thoughts!
photo credit : Getty Images
Kelly,
Thanks for sharing, I really appreciate your posts like this. I think about this all the time, and I also apply this idea to my kids too. Many times, I would rather feel “in control” of my list and tasks, and go without relationships, than to allow God and other people into my life and leave loose ends, etc. Thanks for sharing this encouragement.!
Amen, sister.
Yes, I struggle with this too. Like you mentioned, it is part of our human nature to be pulled away from fellowship with our Savior. Thank you for the encouraging words!!!
I love this post. I am noticing me falling back into that rut of “check listing” God. And I hate that. I needed this post today. God is using you!
I think we can all relate to times like this, and I appreciate your candor. I just wanted to give you a little food for thought from a Bible study I participated in a while back. We are so quick to use the phrase “Don’t be a Martha,” and define her by her mistake in Luke 10. But if you read on in John 11, it is Martha who runs to Jesus after Lazarus dies and Mary who stays home. It’s Martha who shows great faith when she reveals she knows God will give Jesus whatever he asks. This is just a reminder to me that I am not defined by the mistakes I make and that even in our human error, God will find ways to increase our faith. Just like the words Sanctus Real sings, “I’m forgiven.” I just thought this was an interesting perspective on a woman we feel we know so well as Christians. Thank you for all you do and your willingness to be vulnerable.
I loved the post and loved this even more! I too always feel a Martha, so thank you for your encouraging words. With all the everyday tasks that start before the sun comes up and don’t end until well after it has gone down it is so easy to put God off, I have been encouraged to once again not start my day until I have time with him!
Oh yes, I can relate! I find it much too easy to crowd my schedule with unnecessary things like computer and television time. Many people would tell me I’m just making excuses when I say that I am not a morning person and find it hard to carve out quality time with God at the beginning of the day. Thanks for the reminder that fellowship with Him is not confined to sitting in my livingroom with Bible in hand. It truly is about spending time in communion with Him. I also relish being outdoors in His creation and seem to feel more connected to Him there.
I was blessed by this post. I have been here this past week and the reminder was great. Glad I joined your site. Thanks for sharing.
Thank You for this reminder!
I greatly appreciate this post! It is a great reminder and almost like you have put into words something that I have been thinking on for a while, but didn’t know how to get out. I appreciate your openness and honesty. You are not alone in your struggles and I think that is something that is so helpful to know-it can be difficult to fight the battles of life when we think we are alone or the only human that has ever had those feelings (whatever those feelings may be). Thank you again for the reminder of how precious that time with God is and not just something to check off!
Thank you for the great article! You are not the only one, there are so many of us who that article could be about. Thanks