Our Adoption Journey
It’s been a little while since I told you we were adopting. Do you know why? Because I have been frozen with fear. I’ve been feeling like my feet are stuck in the mud – scared to pull them out and walk forward. I’m trying to wrap my head around what this new season of our life will look like. Mainly, there are two things that have kept me holding back. Made me not ready to jump in with both feet into this icy cold pool of adoption and all that comes with it.
Admitting My Fears
The first thing … Me. I’m 41 years old and trying to picture myself with a new born. I don’t do well without sleep (but really, who does?!) and I can’t imagine going back to sleepless nights. Last month we had a night when our electricity went out and we were awake every hour because of the electricity flickering on and off all night. That was a rude awakening for me that this is what it will be like with a newborn. No sleep. That was all that consumed my thoughts for the next day.
The second thing … homeschooling. I am just getting into the groove of homeschooling two kids each day. Going from teaching one kid to two kids was a HUGE adjustment for me. Now that three-quarters of the year is over, I am finally feeling settled. Each day when I open my teacher books, I wonder how a baby will fit into this. Am I going to be able to give my other two kids what they need from me? Will I lose my patience a lot (like I used to)? Will I leave big gaps in their education because I am just trying to get by? Isn’t that awful to say out loud? I am talking about bringing a precious baby, who needs a family, into our home, and I am only thinking of how it will impact me. But I’m just being honest with you on my thoughts. No sugar coating it here.
And then there’s the money.
They are telling us it is around $40,000 to adopt domestically. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the cost doesn’t almost takes my breath away. That doesn’t really fit into the monthly budget. I meal plan, buy in bulk and make my own meals just so we can save money each month. To have this $40,000 “bill” sitting there makes me think, what in the world do I do with this? Seriously, that is going to take a lot of saving. A lot. Like a WHOLE lot. You get the picture.
You know what is incredibly wrong with this picture? I am letting the Enemy mold my thoughts. I am letting him win by instilling fear into my heart, mind and soul. I know without a doubt that adoption is what we are being called to do. It’s in both Bradford & my heart. We want to do it. I am so excited to have a new baby in this house to love and snuggle, and have quiet time rocking while watching the joy on my kids’ faces as they play with a cute little bundle. And watching my husband with a baby… well, it absolutely melts me.
Listening to me confess all my fears above, you would never know there is any excitement in me. For a long time, I allowed the enemy to steal my joy. He didn’t do it without my permission. I allowed him to creep into my heart, and I gently pushed God aside, telling Him he wasn’t big enough for this job. A job He called us to.
Putting that down in writing just makes me wince. Seriously, I did that? Yep.
It is in these moments that I am so incredibly humbled that even in my rejection of Him, He is still here right beside me. He continues to pursue me, calling me back to trust in him. He’s telling me that I don’t need to be afraid of anything. He has already written the story – our story – it is done. It will be.
It all came full circle for me in my quiet time this morning. The realization that I was not enjoying this wonderful process. I had let fear set in and take root in my heart.
He persevered because he saw him who is invisible. ~Hebrews 11:27
I learned three things from this verse (thanks to a little interpretation from Whispers of Hope!):
- My faith must rest on God’s identity, not His activity.
- My faith must be built on WHO God is, not WHAT God has done.
- When I don’t have a clue what God is doing, I can find stability in Who He is.
So I made a decision. I am done believing the lie that this stage in our life is going to be impossible. I choose to believe in the character of my God. I choose to rely on His Holy Word, His Truth, and His Promises. I will believe in things that are unseen, remembering all the times He has carried us through. I choose to rest in Him.
I am happy to say, I am ECSTATIC for our next step! I am absolutely dreaming of a sweet little baby to add to our family. Our next child to cuddle, love on and care for every minute of every day. The fullness of it almost takes my breath away. I am excited to see what motherhood is like this time around with just a little more wisdom. I can’t wait to parent, starting with a completely different perspective and appreciation for how incredibly short my time is with these sweet little people.
What’s our next step? Submitting our home study! Updates will be coming soon.
You can do it!!!! (through Christ!). Thanks for posting – love seeing humility and honesty from Christians…
Amy, thank you so much for your encouragement. I was a little scared to be so honest in this post!
It was almost as if I wrote this exact post. We, too, are in the process of adopting domestically. Thank you so much for your words and your encouragement. I really needed to hear them!!
Erin, I am so glad it was encouraging and not discouraging! I wanted to be really honest with my struggles, but also that God is Large and In Charge. His hand is over it all and I would love to hear your updates on each of my posts! Praying for you. :0
I love honest heartfelt posts like this. Listen for the quiet still voice of God to guide and direct you. Put on the full armor of God to shield you from Satan and his attempts at causing doubt. God will surely bless you!
Lisa, Thank you so much for your sweet words and blessings on me. Yes, His armor is the only thing that will clear my heart and mind. Love how he does that!
I applaud your transparency. We all let fear sneak up on us and if so it can control us. God is in control, it is only when we allow him to take full control that we can prosper through him and rid our lives of fear! You are a blessing to your family and to your blog followers, may you have a blessed journey during this season of your life!
Crystal, Thank you for the encouragement. It was a post I almost didn’t write, I was “afraid” it might discourage others! My how the Enemy tries to rob us of our blessings!
Amen! When He calls you to something He’ll equip you with all that is needed! Fear is the opposite of faith and it sounds like many of us are learning to walk in faith 🙂
God bless.
Yes, I am having to remind myself, he did and he will!
Thank you so much for being so honest. Adoption can be a very emotional journey and I think your feelings are very normal. We adopted though the foster care system, she was 4 days old and the adoption was not finalized until 2 days after her 5th birthday. But I wouldn’t change a thing and we love her the same as our biological children. I believe when God is in it he will give you the strength that you will need. Blessing to you!
Wow, Melissa, what a wait you had, but it is so beautiful to see that even in the waiting God provided…abundantly! Thank you so much for sharing you story with me, it is so encouraging to read everyone’s amazing ways that God increased their families.
We have three adopted and three bio kids. All said and done its not as hard as I expected, money seem to there when we needed it, other kids adjusted better than expected, I replied on God more Than i thought possible. Faith and commitment are what we get out of the journey. Consider an older child. Our children were thee and four when they arrived. Potty trained kids are the best!
Julie, I agree about the potty training! Not sure where things will end up, but I am excited for a new little one around here. 🙂
Our adoption was finalized September 9, 2013. I know how real the challenges of adoption are. We weren’t even looking to adopt but God brought the baby to us and we knew without a doubt it was Him. I understand the tremendous amount of stress as this past year has been one of the hardest of my life. God is faithful! It’s only by his grace that we’ve made it so far. Our daughter is thriving. If I can encourage you in anyway or share our story or answer questions Id be happy to.
Ashleigh, I would LOVE to hear your story if you are open to sharing. It is the most encouraging for me to hear others stories. But what I love is how God writes everyone’s stories so uniquely. 🙂 He is such a wonderful Creative God.
Can I email it to you? What’s the best email address? I apologize for not getting back to you sooner – I forgot to check the box for it to notify me if you responded. 🙂
Kelly,
I suggest that you wait until you have total affirmation and perfect peace before you proceed. Your very real fears are just the tip of the iceberg. Only God knows what the future holds. Having adopted twice, I can assure you there will be things you never imagined, both good and bad. Only God knows how much you can handle and you need to be sure this is His plan for your family. Don’t go ahead just because of the “baby” needs a family and this is a good thing to do rational.
I agree completely. I am not so patient, but this was one area where I knew without a doubt, that we needed to be patient and let Him lead us. And I am so glad we have, because our excitement grows each day!
Kelly – no need to post this please. I think you are over-thinking the whole process. Did you do all that thinking before you were pregnant with each of your children? Also, I do not understand why you are spending $40,000 when there are children in the local foster care system that are in need of a loving home – babies included! I have been a foster parent since 2007 and receive two to four calls a day for placing children when I do not have them in my home. After having a terrible time with a teenager, I only take small children or babies. At 60, my last child was 4 months old and I survived even while working full time. It wasn’t easy on my sleep, but what a blessing this little bundle was! On the side, when I adopted my son he was two years old. It was love at first sight! He is now seven and thriving! So if God put this on your heart then seek Him and don’t mess with all those other thoughts! No one knows how their children will turn out whether they are biological or adopted.
Hello Kelly. I am so excited for you as you take this adoption journey. I was a year or so younger than you when I adopted my only child, a beautiful daughter we named Rebekah Rose. She was a promise from God and my husband and I thank Him everyday for her. I had all the same concerns that you have and believe me, the Lord will give you just what you need to take care of this wonderful new child you will have. We used a private Christian adoption attorney and it worked out according to God’s will and timing. We have such a beautiful story of our daughter that I would love to share with you someday. I will be praying for you and your family.
Kathkeen, I would absolutely LOVE to hear your story. Please share it with me, either here or email it. I love to hear how others stories unfolded. Also, I covet your prayers, so thank you so much for your encouragement and sweet words. 🙂
Thank you for your honesty! I was very blessed by what you said. My husband and I finished classes for foster care (leading to adoption) last year and have been ‘frozen with fears’ ever since. We have procrastinated in finishing our paperwork and keep making excuses on why we haven’t followed through with what The Lord had called us to do. Thank you for the reminder that God is in control and is always there for us even when we walk away. It’s time to get on that paperwork…
Heather, tell me about procrastinating with paperwork, it is easy to do because there is so much to do! I think God prompts us each differently. If me sharing my very vulnerable feelings about our adoption has encouraged you, then I am so glad that God has used us in that way. I look forward to hearing how God writes your and His-story!
Kelly, I loved what you wrote and it is very inspiring. I just have to say I understand those fears because I keep facing them myself. But maybe it’s not about us and our fears. Let’s make it about the child. A child that would bless us and be blessed to be in a good home that he or she may never have another change to get.
Jennifer, I agree completely! The enemy does everything he can to take our focus off what is truly important, being obedient to whatever God has called us to. I pray that your journey is a wonderful and amazing ride!
Kelly, I have never written you before but have followed your website for couponing, meal plan ideas and inspiration for a long time. I have no experience with adoption, but concerning homeschooling with a new baby, I can say from experience and with certainty that YOU can do it!! I had my third child as a 38-year-old during the middle of a homeschool year. I had the same fears and worries that you do, but after the birth of my son, I learned so many things that year about homeschooling. First, my other children experiencing everyday life with a newborn was a wonderful education. They would have almost totally missed out on that if they had been in a school setting. Second, I had to get sleep, so I learned that school does not have to start at 8:00. Much-needed rest came first, then we all felt better able to tackle schoolwork. Third, our homeschool routine was majorly adjusted to fit the new baby, not the other way around. Baby naps were great times to tackle teaching-heavy subjects like math and phonics. Some of our reading together was moved to bedtime, after the baby was asleep, and I discovered that I could read to and teach the older ones while I rocked or fed the baby. Finally, I learned that anything that we did not cover that year could be covered the next. I can honestly say that with older children now, so much of what they learn is repeated over and over throughout their years of schooling. Be encouraged that I look back on it now as one of our fondest memories of homeschooling because that year was so different from the others. Each year that followed, our routine was adjusted, first to accommodate the toddler years (you can survive that too!) and now finally homeschooling three (once again I wondered how I would find time to add even more teaching to my overly-full schedule!). You said it best–God will provide. He knows our needs and the desires of our hearts and will provide abundantly more than we can ever imagine. Since I am not a supermom or a wonderwoman, I know that I am able to do what I do because He enables me!
Praying for you!
Dana
Dana, thank you so much for leaving me a sweet encouraging message! You have NO IDEA how encouraging this is to hear. I know in my heart God will work out all the details, but hearing from someone on the other side of it speaks volumes for me. I am a firm believer that the Lord allows us to go through trials and hardships for many reasons, but one of the sweetest is that we can encourage others who are walking down the same path. And that is what he has given a gift for you to do for me.
Again thank you so much!
Oh sweet friend, seeing your write all this and putting it out there , makes me so happy for you! You can do this, even if it means calling me at 2 am during those sleepless nights. We love you!
Thank you so much for your encouragement Shan, it means SOO much! Be careful what you offer up, it might happen. 🙂 Love you to pieces sweet friend!!!
I want you to know that this article just ministered to me in such a beautiful way! Thank you for being so open and allowing the Lord to speak through you!!!
I was 40 when our Q was born. Because we received her at 11 months of age, I missed the newborn phase with her. But she was still plently of baby for us the 3rd time around. LOL! The hardest 16 months of our lives was the wait to see her face after the decision to move forward. It was so worth it. She fits perfectly in our family. She’s a sassy, spunky and really special (as I think you are aware). 🙂
Yes she does fit perfectly and she is everything you described, and we absolutely ADORE her!!!!
My husband and I have been married for 23 years, just retired from the Army with 2 children ages 15 and 18 along with a Romanian exchange student in our house. We have talked about adopting for years, but moving with the military it never seemed to work out. Our ages were 41 me and 43 for my husband. Financially we would have never been able to cover $40,000, BUT God! He showed off and brought this precious little baby to us (day 2 of her birth)! Our baby came through me teaching children’s church; very humbling experience! Our precious little girl will turn 2 next month and everyday we are in awe of God’s miracles. By the way our adoption was only $2,500. When God is behind it nothing can stand in His way, truly all things will be possible for you and your family too! God bless you!
Wow, I love to hear how God works, and love hearing your story! Thank you so much for sharing. 😉
My hubby and I would like to adopt as well, but don’t have the 40k. Do you mind sharing if your case was done through a private agency? Thank you in advance.
Also, we were blessed to have a small part in John Waller’s new video Orphan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQXGRwR4N2Q
Kelly,
I want to encourage you because I know that God never ever calls us to serve, do, or go anywhere he has not already equipped us to be. That try to be brief, I was a career gal all the way. I wanted a family but never seemed to find an ideal man. I traveled heavily in sales, working four states. But then at 36 I met my husband, we married at 39 and at 40 years old I had my wonderful son James. My husband came with a son Marc who was 22 when my son was born so we had a grandson who was 5 when my son was born.
Flash forward to now, my 76 year old disabled mother has lived with us for ten years, I am a stay at home mother. We raise our 15 year old grandson Skyler and our 10 year son James are both in a private Christian school. My husband is the Athletic booster club president for the school and I am over all the recycling in the school and box tops, Cambells soup labels, etc.. We are heavily involved in church and took our boys to Honduras on a mission trip last year and found it to be life changing for them.
I say this all to say, if God could take a “professional woman” and mold her into a ” all American
Mom”, then he has got your back on this one Kelly. Don’t worry he has already equipped you for the task and you will love every minute, I do!
Kelly,
Please forgive me for not jumping on the bandwagon and applauding your decision to spend $40,000 to adopt a healthy baby when you have two biological children already. There are many people who cannot have their own children waiting to adopt those infants. If you want to do something that requires a great leap of faith and truly helps the “orphans and widows” then perhaps you could consider walking into your local Children’s Protective Service agency and taking the classes required to adopt a drug addicted, abused, or neglected child who has been taken from his or her parents and is waiting for a new “forever” home. I live in Houston, Texas, and in our county alone there are over 2000 children right now waiting to be adopted. So you might consider adopting a young teenager, or perhaps an 8 year old, or a 5 year old. Or better still, a very hard to place sibling group. The good news is (and MANY people don’t realize this) that it won’t cost you anywhere close to $40,000. Children over the age of 2 and sibling groups are considered special needs. There is no monetary cost and the state even reimburses you for your attorney fees. Also, the children are provided state medical insurance and in Texas they are given free tuition at state funded colleges. Sure, the risk is greater. Your child will come with “baggage.” But I can tell you from experience, it’s worth it. Newborns will get adopted by someone, they are always wanted. But God puts the lonely in families. I wish someone would use a forum like this to proclaim the hard stuff. I love
Faithful Provisions and I don’t mean to sound harsh. I just believe the Lord wants these kids to have homes, too.
Kelly, I am appalled at this latest posting. This is entirely mean spirited and uncalled for. Many of the options Sandra mentioned could be available, but we all have right to do what is in our hearts and most importantly, how our lord wishes us to proceed. You are being led in an entirely different direction as I was
and I pray for strength for you and to not be discouraged by posts such as this . God bless
you and your family.
I wasn’t trying to be mean spirited, truly I was not. I was trying to bring information to the uninformed. There are SO many kids out there in need of forever homes and I think people need educated. This is a perfect place to do that – good Christian women (and I’m sure men) read Kelly’s writings and could learn something. Often people who might want to adopt but don’t have money do not realize the cost does not have to be a factor and there are options other than waiting and waiting for an infant. Obviously we need to proceed the way the Lord tells us to, but we know He has already told us to look after the orphans and widows. It’s in His word to us in James 1:27. I realize how we do that is different for different people, but we are commanded to do it. All of you please forgive me if I was harsh. I believe Kelly to be an awesome woman who loves the Lord! I just ache for these children and that probably swayed me to “blast” rather than “edify.”
Kelly,
Thank you for your post. You have a beautiful heart and will make a great mom to WHOMEVER comes into your family. We adopted two of our sons from foster care and then had a big surprise at the end – I got pregnant and had another son. I believe that God makes our families beautiful by blending our hearts together in a way only He can. I tell my big boys that we can all be adopted, some of us even twice…into God’s family and into an Earthly family. God bless you on this journey!
Good Morning, expectant mom! I read the beginning of your post, and I immediately wanted to send you a quick note. I am a mom of 2 boys: 11 years and 10 months old. We are older parents, also. Even as my bones are creaking, I am grateful to the call! Oh the joy! Both of my boys are the answer to my heart’s desire and the fruit from obeying God’s call to be a mom and to adopt. My first was adopted internationally and the second is adopted domestically. Both processes were difficult, challenging, but I must tell you that God will grow you and your family through the process, But oh The JOY, oh, the FRUIT, the FAITHFULNESS, that you will experience. You will know God, “differently”, when the day is done. I appreciate your openness in your obedience. It is a faith walk, as it is with any journey, we must repent and say “Lord, help my unbelief!” Persevere, take up His yoke in your journey. On the flip side, as an adopted child, I can tell you that when your children are older, and you recount these stories to them, they will see and know how God used you to save them, to redeem them, to be a part of the covenant. Be patient, be quiet, be watchful, waiting….
Nikki, I absolutely love your greeting, since I am not actually going to be “pregnant” I hadn’t really thought that I would be an “expectant mom!’ Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means so much!
Thank you Kelly for your honest heartfelt post! I’m so grateful to you for sharing your story and true feelings. I’m also frozen with fear when it comes to our adoption journey. My husband and I got married in 2009. In 2010 my doctor called me one evening, after I had test ran that morning, and told me that if my husband and I wanted children we needed to hurry and decide because I had a medical condition that would eventually get worse and I would no longer be able to have children. I remember telling the doctor “ok, thanks calling” and went back to doing what I was doing. I didn’t cry, stress out, or get emotional about what the doctor said. I didn’t even tell my husband what the doctor said until months later. I’ve always known, even as a teenager, that God wanted me to adopt and provide a child a home. In 2012, my husband and I started talking about adopting a child. After doing some research about adoption, I immediately became frozen with a long list of fears and tried to stop thinking about it, but thoughts about adoption never really went away. In 2013 my medical condition got worse and I had to have a hysterectomy. Fast forward to today, both me and husband are 41, my husband has a daughter from a previous marriage, we do not have biological children, and we both have hearts to adopt. But I’m stuck, not my husband, with this long list of fears….are we told old, where in world will we get the money to pay for a adoption, how will my step daughter react, we do not live in the same state as my family so who can I depend on for that support….and the list of fears go on and on. Fears of the unknown have always been my weakness. But I know in my heart I trust God and in his timing he will provide. Kelly, God Bless you and your family. Sending prayers your way as you go with God on your adoption journey. Please keep the adoption post coming. I look forward to reading about your journey.
Marie, thank you so much for sharing your journey. You know what is funny, I am NEVER the procrastinator. But through the adoption process with all the forms and “to-do’s”, I have never procrastinated so much! I am working on it each day. I can’t wait to hear how your story ends! Please keep me updated and I’ll keep posting too!
How exciting!!!! To say that it will be worth it just feels like an understatement. I cannot express in words how God has blessed us through adoption. We adopted domestically in 2012 then got a surprise call in 2013 and adopted our 1st daughters biological sibling! Congratulations on moving forward and hang on for the ride of your life!!
Mallory, we are SO excited, still feels so surreal, but we can’t wait!
Kelly,
Praying for you and your husband as you step out in obedience! James 1:27 is a command and I think the Church in general has lost sight of this. My husband and I just became first time foster parents with hearts to adopt…TWIN baby girls! Days are crazy but so full of love it’s almost too much to contain! I just downloaded a new book by Tony Merida called Orphanology that I think you’d really benefit from at this point on your journey….I can’t stop reading it! Prayers!
Meredith King